Tuesday afternoon I am just beginning to see

pencil sketch mode of photo booth as Houlder watches a 007 movie

The Moody Blues.  Feeling a bit moody and blue.  The song is soulful, questioning, and curious.   Understand these emotions.

Long night, moderate pain relief, no breakfast for the boy-man as he got carted to a lumbar puncture.

pre-puncture

It was a little study in science and technology and medicine.  Using an x-ray, the radiologist guided a 3.5 inch needle in between lumbar bones (vertabrae) and remove a sample of cerebrospinal fluid to test for viruses, lyme disease -- lots of good stuff.  The test also can test the pressure of the fluid in the brain.  Pretty amazing how so much has been uncovered and figured out.  I literally watched some of Houlder's spinal fluid squirt out of his back.

It was wiggy.

In typical Houlder fashion, he asked to see the needle, the fluids, how he learned how to insert the needle.  The kid is made of sturdy stuff. 

Comfort came in unexpected ways.  The radiologist chatted with Houlder and asked him about his life.  Of course swimming was the main topic.  So the doctor says, "I went to this small college in Ohio."  Houlder, "Kenyon?" Doctor, "Dension."   He was a grad of the school who just unseated KC's 31 year run as DIII swim champs.  Oddly, I was at ease.  Chatting about the schools and life and what not.  The lumbar puncture only took 10 minutes.  Small comforts.

Back in the room, a sweet friend brought lunch and smoothies and good conversation.

But, the pain was there.  They had not wanted to give Houlder meds before the lumbar puncture so his pain was pretty high before the test.  The good news is that he did not get a spinal headache.  The rough news was figuring out the the mixed messages.

In a nutshell, we are still waiting for results.  We have some but still need more which takes times.  But I was feeling frustrated as I watched Houlder still struggle with the pain.  As he had to explain to another doctor how he was feeling as he struggled to just get out of bed to stand.  A huge boy-man who needed support to walk.  Poor guy.  The hospitalist explained this afternoon that the hospital is only a place for acute care.  Even though Houlder needs care and observation, he should be moved to outpatient fairly soon.

We were a bit surprised that hospital is not the place for care -- or only rather acute care.  The peds wing is pretty empty.  My mother-in-law heard all this.  We were both wondering.  Frankly even the doctor herself was.

As I helped Houlder and got the nurses to get him some relief, I simmered.  Houlder asked me if we would go home tomorrow.  I said that I thought so.

"Something, calls to me,
The trees are drawing me near, I've got to find out why?
Those gentle voices I hear, explain it all with a sigh."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPLWBhNW3FM

"With a sigh" I was stewing with the conflicting views when our good primary pediatrician came in to visit and check.  On his day off.  He sat for 1.5 hours.  He expressed what needs to be done and how no one in town is doing it.  The best part was taking the time to explain that this is a blip in Houlder's life even though it is hard now.  He asked Houlder how he was feeling.  Houlder shared how he was sad to be out of swimming so long that he did not have the chance to move up to the senior swimming group with his buddies.  Houlder asked so innocently if the pain which had come on so quickly could how just go away.  Our pediatrician took time to listen.  He told us about the research he had been doing.  He told us he had added Houlder to the prayer list at his church.  He validated Houlder by telling him that what he is experiencing is real.

Another gift came to visit. Three of the adults Houlder had spent the last three summer working with at Riverside Outfitters tree climbing camp came by.  That generous time lightened Houlder.  It connected him to his life.  Houlder's camp nickname is Gulliver.  In his absence, they have named a tree limb Gulliver.  He  loved hearing how the amazing Jocelyn has made it to tree climbing champs in Australia, how camp is set up but mostly hearing how they wanted him to get well and that there was a place for him.  Kind of a "Norm" moment.

Right now we are waiting for a shift change and the pediatric neurologist to come by.  And, our pediatrician is back, waiting with us.  Talking to Houlder about books and James Bond movies (Houlder has been watching them on Netflix).  Hopefully there will be another test tomorrow and a connection to another place that is looking to solve a bunch of disparate symptoms and not only play the statistical odds. 

"I've got to find out why?"