Make it up as we go along

"The less we know about it the better
We make it up as we go along" Talking Heads

This song has anthem-like qualities for me.  Love, the unknown and home.  The journey of life.

But, the ability to keep grasping "to make it up as we go along" is fading.  My willingness to float in a sea of uncertainty has become an anathema to me.    While I should be singing Gloria Gaynor's 'I will survive," I am feeling more like Eeyore:

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.

"So it is."

"And freezing."

"Is it?"

"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately." AA Milne

The earthquake feels right around the corner.

Houlder finished up the MRI of his spine last night at 7:50pm.  I had inquired numerous times throughout the day if we would be discharged after the test.  It was all unknown.  Back in the room at 8pm, Houlder's pain edging back into too much discomfort, the doctor, who had been there all day but not come in dropped by, came to discharge us.  At 8:30pm.  When she asked Houlder if he was ready to leave, he said no.  She then said "It's not your decision; it's your mother's decision."

Parenting 101.  Don't ask a yes or no question if there is an answer you will refuse to accept.

I understood her point but the willingness to filter and ignore was slipping.  I said, "But do I have a choice?"  Good manners kicked in and I mentioned to Houlder how nice it would be to sleep in his own bed.

I was able to secure pain management to get us through today and maybe tomorrow and felt we needed to go.  Home was where I wanted to be.

Surprised to be discharged in the dark schelping bags to the parking deck alone but grateful as well.

I am going to started pulses, temps and blood pressure tomorrow every 4 hours just like at hospital so that I can manage everything.  I was an English and sociology major, but here is my plug for liberal arts colleges.  I think this info might help, and I believe I can do it.  It's that liberal arts education sneaking in tripping the think button.  My step father taught me how to do all these a few weeks ago, and it's game time.  Stepping way out of the comfort zone into health care management.  No Joyce or Milton here.  No Chopin or Morrison.  No lyrical way to compose, numbers, data, measurements. Just the facts reported please.

An added doozey yesterday came for Frazer.  The endocrine called and told us that Frazer is producing growth hormone.  I frankly am surprised.  He thinks he should be on the hormones anyway.  We are trying to figure out what that means with the chiari.  William and I are still trying to figure this one out.  There are health risks when you give the hormone if the body is producing yet.  Again, research, question, explore.

"Make it up as we go along."

Frazer meets the neurosurgeon today.  I was able to score his CT scan from when he was 10 months old at hospital (2000) while Houlder was in his room.  They were in a bin to be destroyed.  Cannot complain about that luck.  Small Pooh moment.

I have been up since giving Houlder meds at 2:45 trying to remember that this may be a another starting point.  In fact that is all I believe.  It is some information.  For those who think we have abandoned the hunting and gathering society, I contend this mother is gathering tomes of info, test results and the lot.  I found a cool Rx app for the iphone to program the meds and an even cooler one  at the app store for macs to keep track of medical records.  I have lengthy notes but felt there was a better more concise way to present the info.  I hope I have stumbled onto the power of the apple.

Houlder will need to trudge with me to these appointments as I don't think he can be left home alone.  William's parents are coming up for Grandparents Day at Collegiate and I am hoping will feed Porter lunch.  Frazer will head to neurosurgeon with us.  Dell has snagged a ride home with our neighbor.

Last night when Houlder and I got home about 9:30, we feasted.  Several folks had shared their love and kindness, and we had delicious and ample pickings.  We are so thankful.

I am hoping Friday to hop like a bunny to find some treats.

This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) Talking Heads
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqg_ZGcuybs