survival, love and belonging, power and recognition, freedom, and fun

Poor Dell.. He has had a marathon weekend of trying to figure out how to organize his life.  It's tough being a 13 year old boy who still wants to play army men for hours and be the older kid.  He is sweet.  He is kind.  But he would not know where his nose if it weren't already on his face.

We set out for goal setting and trying to understand that a goal cannot be pie-in the sky.  Reaching a goal involves series of steps.  We talked about the marshmellow experiement and delayed gratification.  He took a few guesses as to how he would react (eat the inside of the marshmellow).

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer

Managing big ideas and making them practical is not an easy skill for anyone and after a day Dell and I felt relaxed and good about what we had discussed and shared knowing that today would be the nitty gritty figuring out how to make those goals happen.

I started our conversation referring to Glasser's choice theory.  I got the wild hair and ran with it classroom style by asking Dell to tell me as I was using the wipe board what each human needs.  He named two immediately without knowing what I was searching for and it provided a nice segue into a theoretical reason being organized will help him.

http://raider.mountunion.edu/~schnelpl/control%20theory%20-%20overhead.html

As the next slide shows we then applied his goals to the five tenets.  It was interesting to listen to him notice how each need depended on he other and almost all his goals were either supported or enhanced by the needs (and the converse being what detracts from achieving his goals).

We ended up discussing the tenets:

After a long session, he had a break for an hour and we came back to the toughest work of all -- calendar.  I am introducing him to google calendar and how he can use it to help him have the time he hopes to have to do the things he hopes to do.  Yesterday one of the things we discussed how in 168 hours of a week, he can do all the things he wants to do including sleep, hang with friends, tennis, swimming, soccer, guitar, and the down time to strategize another chess move or build another battlefield or even do a puzzle. 

He does not like being specific and is tapping his foot in hopes that he can get to the keyboard to finish the calendar.  Ha!  Won't he be surprised when he sees how long it takes to log it in but how much time it will truly give him.  Here's to hoping the summer gives him what he wants most -- personal management freedom.

Hi, this is Dell.  I guessed that it would at least take me an hour to plug-in all the things I need to do on my new Calendar because when it takes 20 minutes for me to make a 5 minute instant-made salad dressing you know I am not hasty.

Robious Landing Park

A day at the park is punctuated by a big old black snake we found in the road.  We stopped the car the watch it slither under the minivan. Porter and his friend Pete played in the creek.  There is little as chirper as Porter in romping in the water.  Frazer was the phototag.  It may be something he could consider.  He is a watcher.  And he does see things.  Sometimes it is that simple.

Cursive, handwriting and the keyboard

It is the age of technology when people get carpal tunnel from texting too much.  Yet the brain science let's us know that there is neural loop that is closed when the thumb and fore and middle finger met that can help with comprehension.  Legibility is not the issue.

Since January we have have slowly worked out into Handwriting Without Tears Cursive.  Amazingly his handwriting is smoother.  His grip is rotten and the more his works on it I am sure that he is a lefty who could not write with his left hand.  Hence the problematic grip and orientation and a few other things despite Occupational Therapy since two and conscious parenting.  The past two days we have experiemented using grips even though HWoT does not advocate grips.  I want to get through he alphabet and so does he.  If the grip helps him hold on, so be it.

He has been copying his memories of the camping trip that he initially dictated to me on Monday.The process is slow and I will have him try keyboarding it in for edits.  I need to see if one is substantially easier so that he can concentrate on spelling and writing and language.

Elapsed Time

"Time like an ever rolling stream" from  my high school hymn often floats in my head during our lessons in understanding time.  Frazer can spend an entire 30 minute period working the minutes in an hour.  Then he would ask to go check the time on the FIOS clock so that he would not have to calculate analog tie which is what we have in the star chamber.  Add to that teaching how much time has past, and I have wondered if there is value in forging ahead with this concept.  Yet it seems pretty crucial to understanding not only time but units of something.

We have used Kumon workbooks to provide reinforcement in time concepts.  We play dominos and card games to practice applications of time. Practical understanding of time is reinforced indirectly from his repeated questioning of, "When do we go to pickup Porter?"  I would share the current time and ask him how long it would be until we picked up Porter.  He did not pipe up ,"Oh, 15 minutes," but would ask if he could go look at the FIOS clock to see when that would be.  I sometimes let him check the digital reading but often I just plugged ahead.  Yesterday I inadvertently changed my answer by telling him, "In week 20 minutes."  Then a minute later he announces what time it would be in 20 minutes.   He figured out what time that would be.  Even better, he recognized that a shift had occurred and made sure that I understood.  The photos of the wipe board demonstrate how I used the moment to stretch some ideas and check on his understanding. 

The handwriting is mine but he dictates even the slashes.  Having to write can impede his ability to process his thoughts.  We were rolling.  I posed the questions and he answered.

We played a few more word games and practiced what he could figure out.  While he nailed it for the word problems, he still struggled  bit during dominos in which he had to match digital time with analog time.

Working with Frazer must be like surfing.  The water can be still, then bumpy and rough.  You can ride a wave or roll under.  Sometimes you know why you can hit the wave and other times left in the foam for unknown reason.  Every time he seems to hang ten, I am left watching for his in the surf.  His comprehension ebbs and flows.  It is not always easy to know when the concepts are cemented into his brain.  I am puzzled by his struggles with automaticity of addition facts given the countless hours we have devoted to it.  I even think he understands the number changing but I just don't think he sees 7+8 and thinks 15.

But for the small victories such as knowing when 20  minutes from now, I will take.

Athena

Frazer reached a milestone on Thursday, May 20th when he had the chance to ride Athena.  Not the average tack and go lesson pony, he had to work to make her listen.  It was a treat to see him stretch his legs on a bigger animal and use his body to learn how o control a pony.  His satisfaction was palpable. He asked everyone. "Guess what I did today?"  He was proud.

Nothing says love like icy water

Without the dark months and the retreats into the musings of our soul, the joyous jumps into the cool chlorine waters of Southampton would seem normal.  But they are not.  The are the most exceptional gift we have given our children beside love, food and school (and sometimes that has been sketchy).  One Monday every May Swordfish arrival in carpools and on bikes and with hands held to dip into the chilly waters of SRA.  From the miniest of mites wondering what their parents have done to them to the hippest of seniors who whine most heartily of the temps, kids for around our town come to check out their friends and see who has changed and who will brave that first seasonal practice. 


For five years my boys have amazingly and achingly wandered out of the car, across the lawn, and into the concrete play-yard of the those willing to don the speedo in temps not usually kind.  As mentioned in previous blogs this year is Porter's first which garnered the significant reaction, "I hate swimming!  I am not going to swim."  As I practiced breathing through the fact I had just spent the money to sign him up and had even sharpied his swim cap, I mentioned that I had brought a lollipop if he would like it at the end of practice. Who knew a dumdum could be so powerful?  Nary a cry passed from his lips as his joined in the throng of eight and unders on the pool deck to watch their coaches jump in and splash.

We are lucky to have such coaches who happily engage the whims of each swimmer novice and expert alike while willing to freeze a little for the team.  Nothing is as sweet as watching Mike Peters take on the splashes in the face.  And the little boys love Virginia and Anne Byrd.  They don't know why, but they do.  And they comply.

So here begins the summer in the waning days of spring as the vestiges of wool sweaters and snow shovels find their homes until needed again.  Let the sunshine in!

Camping Adventure

The South of the James Homeschool group had a camping trip this past weekend and all six Hudgins packed into one tightly stuffed minivan and headed to Westmoreland State Park.  Westmoreland is close to the childhood homes of George Washington and Robert E. Lee.  It is outside of Montross, Virginia.  Virginians should be proud of our state parks and our tax dollars at work because our state parks are beautiful, well kept and an educational.  Retreat into nature.  Tim Kaine's ads for the the state came to mind often.

Houlder, Dell and Will kayaked in the morning and dug for fossils on the beach.  They came back with a few shark teeth and and a cool rock.  Being in the water only whets Houlder's desire for a kayak.  

Midday we went with the Bolins to the beach where the Potomac feeds into the Chesapeake.  Houlder and Henry romped in the sand while Dell, Frazer and Houlder learned how to cast fishing rods from Alex.  Dell and Lucy climbed the rocks to cast out broadly into the bay.  Frazer hung a bit closer and repeatedly kept trying to successfully cast.  He is a plugger.  The sun was warm, the waves gently lulling a peacefulness into my body and mind.  The rush to gather and collect the fixings for a weekend in the woods for 6 people who are not seasoned campers was past and the sound of the surf made it easy for each person to sink into the place he or she needed to be.  William seemed to think that car camping was not tough enough yet he had never camped.  And spending time like that was memorizing enough to provoke the comment, "We could come back here."

Houlder is Nature Boy.  Setting up the tent in the dark, I found we hit a synergy.  The other four were in our way.   I love his spontaneity and curiosity.  We had fun and joked at one point that we could ditch the others.

Dell too enthusiastically tried to set up for dinner the first night which frankly was a disaster.  Fortunately I brought prepared at home pasta and pesto.  But his sheer glee at being with all of us together on a new experience had him bouncing off the trees.  He redeemed himself in the morning preparing bacon and eggs with William over a fire and on a propane grill we borrowed from Cheri.  He loved building the fire and having Lucy quiz him on arcane things which he surprises us by knowing.  He is a head scratcher.

Porter just was himself.  Adventurous, playful and willful.  He questioned us about a bear coming and what animals or creatures might visit us and he willingly watered every tree near camp without a care to time of day or who was around.  He ran in the waves and rolled in the sand and ran.  What more is there?

Frazer was with his "friends" as he said but he has yet to engage enough to know many names.  He hung on the outskirts of interactions pondering how to insinuate himself yet determined not to have me make introductions or help him.  After time spent with the Bolins who he knows so well he figured out a way to connect with the broader group-- s'mores fixings at the Benway's camp fire.  For an hour or so he played and shared so joyfully.  I doubt the kids knew how happy he was to be in their midst and be able to offer something.  As his peers have physically outpaced him, those kids who have not had the chance to know him for a while disregard him as a young child.  Frazer has not figured out how to maneuver socially to the point that he does not seem impulsive shouting about Bakugan or something he was thinking about that no one else knows.   The thoughts he has, he offers to so many but often they are out of context and not easily discerned by others.  The good news is that he does that with me one-on-one so that we can work on practicing background and delivery; the bad news is that he will have to navigate through waters in which not every audience is kind.  Fortunately, his peers were kind if not confused by his gestures and announcements during this excursion.

It rained during supper Saturday which was not a deterrent.  We felt we would stay even though the weather did not look promising.  However at 8:30 during a pre-bedtime family meeting with we discovered out tent had three leaks.  Not being wiling to get wet we made our hasty departure in the dark.   And while it would be easy to note all the work that went into one 24 hour period at the park, there is no doubt that we relaxed into each other as a family an found beauty around us to pause in this month, the busiest of all.  It was divine.

Days turn into weeks and weeks t.urn into years.

Today was the annual rite of preschool families, flower day for the teachers.  Porter enthusiastically wanted to buy each teacher a dozen roses but wwe stopped at two which were divided between four of his teachers.  There is nothing like this ritual.  Some kids shy away and other greedily shove their way to hand off the gems.  It is a favorite for all.  Porter was more concerned about bike day once he had to deliver the flowers.  I practically had to force him to hand them to Jean.  It is simple moments such as his shyness that I reminded that he is still young and dear.  Not that he isn't other times but he so darn capable that I always surprised by his moments of needing an adult to help him negotiate.  Porter and Peter also shared a moment before meeting up with the teachers.

After drop off, our day begins...

The end of the year is looming.  I have tried to honor my kid and give him what he needs and now I am reflecting on what needs to be done and what is better left alone.  It has been an experience.

Today we had extra time together and with all the work at the house of late and schooling on the go, it was good for us to settle a bit.  We discussed what he wanted to do for the remainder of the year and based on what he said I think we will be going to school about 3 days a week this summer.

Me "What should you do to finish 3rd grade?"
Frazer - "Finish cursive, finish sight words, write a story, subtraction, shapes, measuring, fractions, horse puzzle."

So there it is.  And today we labored through handwriting. I contemplated dropping it because he was having repeated struggles with any letters formed by  a magic c (Handwriting Without Tears term).  But, we can finish the alphabet.  We are 1/3 through but each letter has gotten easier.  I think he was hoping to wait me out by just staring.  I checked in, and he was okay.  Using the wipeboard to give him a change and practice on a gliding surface and to be vertical helped reorient him after his initial refusal to trace my cursive "peach." A part of me wants to try to figure out why but another part of me feels that he needs to be encouraged and required to try even when something is a challenge.  Handwriting is typically not a challenge but today it was.  Ironically after it was the first thing he said that he wanted to finish for 3rd grade.

We continued in Flat Stanley which should have been more pleasant but he was just distracted by his own sneezing and snot.  I let him cut out the Flat Stanley at the end of book for a bookmark.

We also worked on wrap ups for subtraction informally on -1, -2, -3 with 100% accuacy and relative ease. -4 was much harder.  Need to bring in some more games.  Need more planning time to prep for some of these games that are not second nature to me.  He breezed through counting coins.  I want to give him some change or have him count his piggie bank to see how practically it has applied.  Is it in there -- that space behind the his eyes --good?

He fought his addition.  I don't how it is can handily do some problems and the same problems 20 seconds later leave him staring off into space.  It is puzzle.  Frazer is the key but locating it appears to be the problem.  Again here is another place I could scaffold with more games.  Got to step it up.  The time in some ways seems to slipping away.  I don't want him to study all summer, but it feels important that the window not close on some of the experiences he can have.

A playful moment of day came when we picked up Porter from lunch bunch.  We ran one errand and had 45 minutes before Porter's piano lesson.  We headed to library which turned into just a parking lot for us to head to BAPP playground through a wooded path that Porter and Frazer raced ahead to see who could get to the old shed first.  Frazer ran with his hands in his pockets.  Porter raced.  They played on a tire swing we fixed in the fall and basically ran around for 20 minutes.  It was perfect to head to piano after that.



Unfortunately it was not enough to keep Frazer on track to complete his math without much grumbling.  But, he has been given tons of freebie days lately.  We need to get on path  But with camping trip, swim team, big boys exams, birthday, memorial day, swim meet, France...I could have all the kids gone all day and maybe get something completed.  Oh, and the construction project in the front yard, did I mention that?

We ended the night with Dell's vocal debut singing  George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" with Cory Blake at the St. Catherine's Guitar Ensemble.  Houlder played two classical pieces.  I must say Dell rocked the house.  Audible and playful.  It was great!  But now I cannot download the video as it appears there are not drivers that work with the vista because the camera is so old.  Why these techno things are never truly easy annoys me.

So, my computer and my cameras are not age compatible, my second kid is singing solos, and my baby is finishing up preschool.  "Time like an ever rolling stream."