Seven.

Every day begins with a list -- the items to add new for today and the items to finish from the day before, or even the week before.  I may write this list in my calendar, on a To Do app, in Evernote, or the back of a envelope.  I don't often refer to it once I have stated my objective.  An evil blessing or a kind curse allows the list to ticker tape in my mind through out the day.  At night, I mentally cross off and add more trying to figure out how I will accomplish said goals.

It has been years, or never, that the list has been empty.  As William can attest, I generate things that "need" to be done in my sleep.

This week and weekend, I have given special care to laundry.  I don't think we had hit a point since Thanksgiving that each person had their laundry mostly away verses mostly in process.  As much drudgery as laundry can be, I felt good as I trucked down to the basement multiple times to make sure everyone has clean clothes.  Tomorrow I go in to have one screw surgically removed.  It is a bit early but I have been having trouble with it.  Nothing like rolling over in my sleep and being poked by the screw in my leg.  It is both an odd feeling and one that has kept me awake for days. 

Sleep has been super elusive.  I watched all Downton Abbey in two nights on netflix.  Great show.  Looking for another series to keep me company at 2am.  One thing I have not crossed off list is the to do list for Mayo.  As we are a month out, I am beginning.  Sometimes every day life and living in the moment is more fun than prepping. 

For those who follow and care, Houlder is still weak and not going to school.  He has improved ever so slightly in that he is not in bed 24/7.  More like 22/7.  I have been working on long division with Frazer.  After two weeks I feel like we are making progress.  Wowza.  I am trying to remember if this was tricky for me to learn.  I don't think so but I am challenged to keep thinking of ways to explain the steps.  Thankfully Frazer is patient.

Final swim meet Saturday and lots of birthday parties for Porter.  I hope this recovery is simpler and less complicated.  I have planned ahead for food and driving and life.  Hopefully this removal will decrease the pain. 

Will Christmas morning 2011

Christmas Eve service

Porter leading first grade Chapel January 2012

Susie January 2012

Frazer January 2012 -- 12th brthday

Dell and Porter January 2012

Average Daily Temperature 37

In March the average temperature in Richmond ranges from 55-60 degrees.

In Minneapolis, Minnesota the average temperature ranges from 37-45 degrees.

I looked up this little trivia when I realized that Houlder and I would be heading North for spring break.  This jaunt is no a little trek for snowy adventure.

We are headed to Mayo Clinic for a week.  While those other kids from school go swooshing down the slopes or are baking in the sun, Houlder and I will live it up clinic style.

Houlder made it through the first semester taking two classes and getting his license.  He has never driven solo, because he has been in bed almost all of the last three weeks.  It is similar to 2011 except we are not freaked out.  We know he is sick and that options to help him here are limited.  They may be limited period.  His blood pressure is whacking out in the opposite direction, and his heart is racier. 
 
Compounding this, Vanderbilt did not want to alter any meds and his pediatrician retired the end of December.  Not being a terribly simple case, we are so extremely grateful a friend who has been a huge resource for us has agreed to take on Houlder's care. 

When I thought we would have to start dusting off the massive folders of information, I received a call from Mayo saying Houlder could be seen in their diagnostic clinic during this week in March which just so happened to coincide with spring break.  Every physician we have seen has advocated that we head there.  It took 10 months, and we feel lucky. 

He took a nap after we opened presents.  The new normal.

William will stay home to hold down the fort.  A lesson from last year is that while I need him for his clarity and calm, the other boys need stability during this time.  The year has been rough for them -- they miss their brother.  While Houlder managed first semester, the truth was he went to his classes, came home, ate, slept, did his work, ate again and went to bed.  It was huge effort for him to go to a few of Dell's soccer games.  I suspected he was beginning to experience more trouble when he was not able to stay awake to go to a swim meet to cheer on his buddies.  

We have much to navigate to understand what is ahead of us and what we will do.  We are seeing the doctor I only dreamed of getting into.  This doctor may or may not have another solution, and we accept his answer may be the same as Vandy's.   We are open.

Here is the doctor, Phil Fischer, explaining POTS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ9bv7jx-Ls

When Dr. Fischer describes the kind of kid POTS hits, I see Houlder in the Fall 2010 feeling so great and almost invincible to be at Collegiate and swimming and with his friends.  That life has slipped away from him. It will evolve into something great and his compassion for others will only increase.

But damn.

Christmas Eve, Houlder wanted to try acolyting after a year.  We are grateful he did not pass out.  Frazer and Dell also acolyted.

It is what it is and maybe Mayo knows what it is more clearly.  Or not. 

It is worth holding out the hope for such a love!

skip the light fandango

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJIVz9nYx7I

Annie Lennox always struck me as a together woman.  Annie probably would not have tripped three steps from the bottom down her own front stoop on a sunny Sunday afternoon 7 weeks ago. 

Eight plates and a screw.  Sounds like a drink.

Feeling thirsty?  Apparently I was parched.

A swift ambulance ride with such a nice paramedic who was concerned about gently taking off my Danskos.  When I told him he could cut them off, he balked as he knew they were expensive.  Haha.  Got love that.

The last 7 weeks have been a blur.  It took me about two weeks to realize how serious this leg break was.  William conveniently kept the meds coming quite regularly to keep me from trying to get up.  Lacey, my mother-in-law, managed the chaos of four kids, birthday parties, meals which were delivered, carpools, playdates, and exams.  A friend introduced me to Pinterest.com and between Houzz.com and Ziplist.com, I redecorated, renovated, bought presents, made presents, made meals by clicking on a photo icon and creating little fantasy notebooks of what my life would be like if money were no object and time were not an issue and I did not have a bum leg.  It was entertaining.  I found Hanging with Friends and had a great time getting my butt whooped around the globe.  We managed Christmas, said adios to 2011 and visited friends with NYC and New Zealand.

I griped and tried to find the the lesson or the moral, but Aesop escaped me.    William again shone brightly as Daddy superstar.  As Porter told one of our guests, "When Mommy started the leg drugs, Daddy became in charge."  Go ahead and laugh.  We did.  Will rocked and continues to be amazing.

I imagine the lesson was that we need each as we walk this earth.  Kindness matters.  Friends matter.  Calling matters.  Note cards still matter.  Facebook matters.  Family matters.  In the past I had tried to be a person who recognized when someone might need a hand or a meal or a call.  This year I really was not able to do that but generosity only works when someone receives with grace.  Grace -- we began the year and ended learning grace by receiving so many thougthful meals and words.  We remain in awe of others' capacity to reach out and help.  In awe and full of gratitude.

Thank you.