Dell

June 5 2011 Dell's confirmation St. Thomas Episcopal Church

When I wishing to be a teenager at 11, Affirmed won the Triple Crown.  I remember watching the races because that's what we did in my family, and I was fascinated by the teenage jockey, Steve Cauthen, who was only 6 years older than I was.  Lately I have often thought of that aptly named thoroughbred.  It feels as if we are on a search for affirmation.

Such a Stuart Smalley moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuGf34F0f5g

Current Minnesota Senator Al Franken kept many folks laughing back when that was his job, on the right and left, because this idea of being affirmed -- validated -- is essential yet almost absurd.

Watching Michael Jordan look himself in the mirror and say, "Because I am good enough," seems comical and ridiculous.

But, it is also true in that nagging you by tapping you on the shoulder way.

In the immortal words of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, "We all need someone we can lean on."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdfU4L6SCpo&feature=related

My sweet Dell is looking for that someone to lean on.  Someone to affirm him without mockery but in good-natured ways.  Dell managed to do this despite my never-ending nagging about considering studying and working and trying one's best.  Sometimes my goof-ball of a son does that regardless of my fears -- which are many and voiced frequently.

In the last week and a half,  Dell has gone through Confirmation in the Episcopal church and graduation from middle school at Collegiate.  Both substantial rites of passage stepping closer towards independence.  As his parent, I want to accept the child he is becoming but cannot help myself from insinuating a few (read many) words about how he could maybe get organized and manage his mess. 

Some kids are are easily guided and affirm the parents gifts; other confirm that we are just strapping on the game face every day in an effort to help confirm our parenting.

Dell makes us some kind of 'firmed.  Each day and sometimes every hour, it can be different.

Phil and Dell June 5, 2011 Confirmation

We were surprised he wanted to go through the confirmation process and delighted with his choice of sponsors.  A man as energetic and loving as our child who can guide him in ways that we cannot.  Phil has figured out the art of getting it done on the run, being kind and remembering to pull it together.  Dell wrote Phil a note in which he allowed me to proof read, and he identified these attributes as something they have in common.  It was as sweet as a backhanded compliment from a 14 adolescent male could be and it affirmed my sense that there is hope in Dell's horizon for organization and purpose.

Hopefully in the purposeful declaration of his faith, what he may have really scored is an awesome friend and guide who can affirm in Dell what I somehow cannot.

Peace be with you Phil!

In this crazy mixed up time in which I cannot follow one thought through and can barely manage to plan a day in advance not knowing what will be next, we managed to give Dell a week to be himself -- or as much as I could manage of him.  He had a friends over, he cleaned the pool, he organized his stuff finding an overdue book (from November!).  And, as it happens sometimes, he stood a bit taller.  He grew.  The blazer that fit three weeks ago was too small by Confirmation but fortunately there was a hand-me-down of Houlder's just there waiting for him to fill it up.

Affirming to me that I just need to give the kid some mercy.

Check out this Rolling Stone video from even before I was born:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V2ESk8ASeM&feature=related