starchamberexpereience

Saturday, March 16, 2013

2000 miles, 10 Days, 2 Teen Boys, a VW, and Mom

Having eschewed the concept of touring colleges as indulgent and ridiculous, I received an email in January from Houlder while we were in Minnesota. In it was a link to a google map indicating about 15 colleges he hoped to visit over spring break. He is a crafty bugger, sending this email on the heels of our Carleton College visit in which I open to this idea. proposed map

Spring break would be only ten days long and some driving would be involved. Hopefully I would see friends and have a memorable time.

As March approached, I poked around and began to realize we needed to sign up for tours, hotels and coordinate it. Houlder had planned to see a friend perform at Carnegie Hall so we had so time restraints. Admissions folks burned out from reading applicants for next year's class did not haave Saturday tours. We were limited to weekdays.

At some point, I realized the state of Maine had to go. Will said that he would be able to take him up should he still want to later. Bummed as I love Maine, I found it impossible to justify that much extra time for self-tours and a 17 hour drive home.

And, in the spirit of bang for your buck, we bring Dell.

We left home at 6pm, March 7th and headed to Philly.

3/8 Swarthmore. Meet swim coaches. See pool. Likeable even in the rain.

3/8 afternoon head to Easton, PA and home of Lafayette College. Self-tour. Visit pool. Six lanes. Lunch in dining hall. Watching Houlder and Dell navigate that during a busy time was slightly entertaining.

3/9 Houlder takes SATs at Easton High School while Dell and I listen to the information session. Dell decided to add his name to the registered and got his own private tour while I ran and picked Houlder up from Easton High School, #2 in PA for football wins and #7 in country for football wins.

After a quick lunch from the cooler and leftovers from Wegman's, we head to New York City to stay with our dear friends Elizabeth and Phineas and Matthew. Elizabeth and Finn live in a bustling neighborhood in financial district in which there were tons of kids riding a scooter.

Skyline outside e and f's apartment

Walking along Battery Park

Statute of Liberty

Finn riding his scooter.

3/10 -- We visited Chinatown, Little Italy, Tribeca, and the the 9/11 memorial.

In front of the surivivng Pear tree

Pear Tree again


Houlder with his VGF tee shirt

3/11-- We tackle the subway and ride to Columbia. I was blown away by the smallness and the buildings.

After the information session and tour, we headed to the bookstore for some bling. AND WE RUN INTO A CLASSMATE OF HOULDER'S. Cue "It's a Small World After All."

With a delicious stop for some true New York pizza, we grab a cab and head to the The American History Museum. Our friend Matthew works there and the boys were excited to visit the place made famous by The NIght at the Museum.

With Teddy Roosevelt


How x-rays can help trouble shoot artifacts.

We head back to e & f's, changing into fancier clothes and Dell hangs out with e. Houlder and I take a cab to Carnegie Hall and he listens to a friend with whom he received treatment at Mayo last spring performs amazing deconstructed violin performances. (No photos).

Afterwards we rush back, grab Dell and head to Norwalk, CT to just rest.

3/12 -- Up and at them and onto Amherst. They had a wonderful gallery Beneski with archaeological finds.info on Beneski

After lunch at Whole Foods, we hit the roads to head to Boston and a Kenyon Alumni event to honor outgoing president Georgia Nugent. My wonderful friend Cindy took us for drinks and snacks in The Oak Room at the Fairmont Copley before the Kenyon event. Oak I got to connect with former classmates and meet some of the wonderful staff I have gotten to know. And, groovy enough, Houlder got to meet people. Dell met President Nugent as she came over and introduced herself because he was dancing and singing to himself in the mirror.

I let Houlder drive us out of town and to Providence where we crashed.

3/13 -- Up College Hill to Brown. My grandmother went to Pembroke and had attended may reunions. Both my parents were born in Providence and both my grandmothers were raised there. The campus was goregous and the tour guides here and admissions' person were fun and comedic which was such a change up and a pleasure. It was also a gorgeous day.

After a visit to the bookstore and BBC (Better Burger Company), we walked back to our room. Dell crashed and Houlder and I boogied to Franklin W. Olin College adjacent to the Babson College campus in Needham, MA. Olin is an new college in which students come in doing engineering immediately. There are 384 students on the entire campus and there are four buildings. The students can take classes at Babson and Wellsley. Seniors get 50K from corporations to solve a problem which becaomes their capstone project.

Houlder and I scoot back to possibly meet up with some friends from Richmond but they are running late and we are running tired. We have a nice meal out and crash.

3/14 A quick return to Brown to look around and then onto Tufts University right outside Boston. A lovely tour guide form California whose older sister attends Kenyon. Hey, we are everywhere! We took the time to dine and were met by a recent Collegiate grad (2012) who met Houlder for an hour.

After a full day with the Jumbs, we headed to Middlebury, VT. We landed late, late, late and crashed.

3/15 -- Middlebury. The info session started with a quick video which ended up featuring Dell and Houlder's Biology teacher who has spoken so highly of Middlebury. Both boys were engaged form that moment forward. This same teacher contacted his former advisor and Houlder snagged an invite to molecular genetics class and a talk with professor. Dell took tour, after a visit to bookstore, meeting up with Houlder, we headed to the dining hall.

Quickly we book through the snow to Williams in which we miss the tour but are met by friends of Houlder's history teacher. These 3-4 guys toured Houlder and Dell and filled them in on the low-down as I read all the waiting room stuff. It's Williams.

Late and snow still falling, we drive 3.5 hours to Exeter, NH to my brother's house and his five sons. After catching up, we crash and have spent the day hanging up, playing football and basically vegging. Getting ready for the big St. Paddy's Day drive home tomorrow.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Chicken or Egg

I find confronting conviction challenging which differs from my enjoyment of healthy opposing opinions. Refuting base beliefs whether founded on Wheel of Fortune, someone looking into a funny hat, or a homeless man who believes he is three people in one is nearly impossible. What stimulates absolute faith that stirs the vitriol in others is not always religious.

Writer philosophers have wrangled with the messy continuum, to borrow from Heller, The Catch-22.

I wonder what we know. How do we know? Is it cellular? Molecular? Theta waves? Beta Waves? Sensory? Memory? Is there a tipping point to borrow from Gladwell or instinct to borrow from Mother Nature? And what did we know first, did it come first and does first even matter?

If I meet someone who is sure, can I suspend my doubt long enough to believe in their potentiality?

These are my thoughts on the plane, at a stop light, in the middle of the night.

Many people trying to figure it out, to theorize, to order, to profess the way. Why do I feel as if I know less?

Almost two years ago an unexpected ER visit for Frazer led to the expansion my blog to include health updates on Frazer and then Houlder. It became a great vehicle to receive wonderful help and kindness from so many.

I struggled to control my rage with my inability to find anyone who could help Houlder. Every time I thought I had a hold on Frazer and where we were headed, a strong gale blew us on a different path.

Most people who have so kindly held me up and said that they could not have done it, don't realize that they too would have fought.

We lucked out in Minnesota at the Mayo Clinic. Houlder and then Frazer received validating and empirical care. We -- all of us -- realize what a privledge it has been to be able to continue on and try to find a definitive answer.

Something to believe in.

A conviction.

The twist, to pick one thing, means that you are eschewing another. I tend to expect the sun will come up tomorrow and that a falling tree makes noise even if I don't know conclusively that the sun will rise and hear the tree make noise.

Maybe it is age. Maybe it is me.

Maybe.

That's the dilemma.

Or not.

We are visiting Mayo and staying at Ronald McDonald House until next week for check ups, follow ups and some testing.

Houlder is basically a great poster kid for the PRC treatment he did last year. Yet, he has had a non-stop headache for over 2 plus years.

Apparently people sometimes just have to live like this.

Frazer has grown 1.25 inches since August which is massive for him and exciting as his thirteenth birthday is a couple of weeks away. 4 feet 4 inches 56 pound --13 year old boy.

Apparently people sometimes can change their lives.

These doctors know a ton, are curious and explore, and I hear their best protocol and plan but the nagging voice in my head also hears that there is more to know.

I have tried not to be too rigid in thinking about life. I have tried to embrace all different expressions of ideas. I have tried to experience what I have not known.

We still have explorations while we are here but most point to a wait and see approach. An approach in which I accept but rebel.

The past two years have been filled with emotions. With unknown intuitions and persistence. With friends and love. With thoughts magnanimous and those that were not.

I laugh through the struggles because it holds me closer to those whom I love and keeps my heart more in touch with joy than wallowing in the weeds. The weeds often have appeal but I don't want to be there.

Flying out on New Year's Eve

otherwise known as mom's birthday

hot tub boy

bit of temp adjustment

brothers and friends

more Dr. who

My conviction is not in the weeds.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Advent

Houlder clearing security for Richmond Obama Rally.

Houlder was asked to submit his thoughts for our church's advent devotional. He submitted without sharing with us. The great unveiling is below:

“Crack in the crack, back straight, elbows at ninety degrees, feet flat.” This is the first thing the occupational therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN said to me and my fellow PRC’ers every day she saw us. Because every teenager wants to learn how to sit properly in a chair approximately 1,134 miles from their house.

In the winter of 2010-2011 I started having symptoms of an unknown illness that included headache, dizziness, nausea, and exhaustion among other things. I started going to doctors all around Virginia but it was to no avail. After over a year with practically no answers, the Mayo Clinic was our last bastion of hope. After many months of waiting, we got the call from Mayo in January of 2012 that we an appointment in March. After so long, it felt as if we had finally found the final destination of our search.

A week of tests, appointments, and consultations resulted in two main diagnoses: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) where my blood isn’t flowing through my body properly because my Autonomic System is misfiring, and a Chiari Malformation where the lower tonsils of my brain are hanging out of my skull and blocking the flow of spinal fluid into my cranium. Because there is very little that doctors can do for either of these things, they suggested that I attend the Pain Rehabilitation Center (PRC) Program for teens.

At the end of April, I found myself back in Minnesota for over three weeks to go through the PRC program. I learned many things those three weeks, including how to sit correctly, how to breathe correctly, and how to exercise without passing out. But the greatest thing they taught me, was how to be normal again: how to go to the movies with my friends, go to school full time, to do my house chores.

Last summer, after completing the PRC program, I was asked by my parents to mow the lawn. Naturally, my first instinct was to resist this idea, but then I realized that I had not mowed in over a year. I grabbed my iPod and the gasoline and started. As I listened to one of my favorite bands, Mumford and Sons, I was glad for this simple job that gave me purpose, and I felt more alive than I had in a long time. It became one of those moments when I was just plain happy, and amazed at the gift of life that we all have been given. This is a portion of Below My Feet, one of the Mumford and Sons songs that I was listening to:

Keep the earth below my feet
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve
My hands to learn

As clichéd as this is, take a moment from your day and look around. Be amazed at all of the wonder around you and be grateful for it. Straighten up and rejoice.
Houlder Hudgins for December 17, 2012

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Sixty Nine Days of Normal

Dell's first formation at Hargrave Military Academy Summer School

Functional chaos. Living the now. A perfect descriptor eludes me. From the chilly May afternoons through the final Saturday in July, four family hums with Southampton Recreation Association. The swim team, the snack bar, the parties, the friends, the lounging, the people all exist on a small plot of Eden in Richmond City. Cue the theme to Cheers. Sometime around the end of June dinner morphs into cereal and PBJs. Planning enough sunscreen and drinks for the day are enough.

Blessed are those who know the magic. The formulary is simple and complex. And not for me decipher having given Clan Hudgins the biggest gift the past two summers of just being SRA.

Milo, Porter's big buddy at SRA

In the past 69 days, I got away for a Kenyon weekend in Philly; William traveled ceaselessly; Houlder completed two summer school classes at Collegiate; Dell went on a service trip to DC with Collegiate, toured Georgia and Alabama on youth choir trip, and took a month of summer school at Hargrave Military Academy; Frazer frazzed; and Porter flourished, swam and became a pop music enthusiast.

Day 1 was the return from Mayo by Houlder, Frazer and me. Other than a few things, we managed without the doctors the last 69 days. It has been nice. Today is Day 69, and Frazer and I head back to Mayo.

So much has happened and being in summer mode helps me process the continual flux of living with 4 boys and their charms. When we live SRA, it is easy to embrace all that is good and working and right with us and leave behind the struggles.

As I woke up today on Will's 43 birthday to the alarm, I realized that the "Last Dance" last night with my "Champions" will have to sustain for a while. Will left at 5:40am to drive 3 hours to collect Dell. The three boys are sleeping. I have laundry and things to collect before we fly out in a few hours to our Minnesota mecca.

Frazer doing a little reading

Houlder swam two events at champs. He finished both classes at Collegiate and has been driving Will's Passat. For him, this is pretty great. The good news is the pain treatment program at Mayo really taught him how to deal with his POTS symptoms. The stinky part is that the headache has not gone away yet. The one from January 2011. For now, we are grabbing onto what is working. Hopefully his supreme inner strength may allow him to cope and succeed with his junior year. More treatment portently looms.

The medical condition of Chiari that both Houlder and Frazer have is significant. I attended a medical conference on it and its related conditions. The neurologic, genetic and embryologic frontiers are only beginning to understand to understand the what and why chiari is. How to treat chiari is at best a wish, a prayer and great surgeon. Unlike cancer, organ transplants, or multiple fractures, chiari is puzzles. As one suregeon said, "You either make room for it by cutting the bone, or you cut the brain." There is treatment of symptoms -- like never-ending headache -- but given what is involved we hold out hope.

Houlder Champs 2012 Silver 100IM R and 5th 100M Breast

Porter's first grade class and Carrie Thomas and Clara Petus -- best teachers!

Frazer has started taking daily growth hormone injections and thought he grew the first night. Not much to report other than he is a great kid. He had some more educational testing and our homeschooling is more than paying off. He is on grade in everything and age appropriate which has been a huge sign of his learning. There is much to still medically suss out with the Fraz. He is an easy kid to love -- not so easy to keep on task -- but enjoys himself almost all of the time.

Dell's academic life will hopefully begin anew after his choice to attend military school this summer. It was a challenging decision for him --and me. Knowing he would miss the SRA swim team banquet and JRAC champs was almost enough to make him stay home but his desire to be the best he can at Collegiate drove him to realize that he might need a little change up in his life. I believe he has enjoyed the independence and chance to be who he is outside of others' shadows, illnesses and babyhood. Unfortuately Frazer and I will miss seeing him today. August 7th. I am looking forward to seeing him!

P Daddy as he was called by the SRA swim coaches rocks. He sings. He loves his cats. He swims. He hits the baseball. But the stinker does not love his reading. He asked to repeat first grade and frankly the school and his parents felt it is necessary. But what is not love about being with these same wonderful women this year? He feels confident and good about his choice. He has had a few friends ask him why, he said that he wanted to and he is just not ready for second grade. Well, out of the mouths of babes -- or seven year olds.