That darn electric car seemed benign.
However, I was foolish. Knowing Porter would be in tears anytime Sarah McLachan's Animal Cruelty video came on, maybe William and I should have been more aware the fourth time around the block.
We were not smarter. That darn electric car was not benign.
Houlder called us after Porter had been crying for 45 minutes; Porter was inconsolable that people did not save the electric cars and just were wrecking them. Houlder had to turn of the video.
Maybe this extreme reaction should have been harbinger of Porter's sensitivity or fears. But, this kid was independent and doing his own thing. Putting the two together was not immediate.
Again, fourth time around. The charm escapes us.
By kindergarten, the ugly little fear monster jumped out by the third week of school. Two weeks later at carpool, he threw himself in front of my minivan to stop me from leaving. Torn between gratitude for his life and killing him for scaring me, I began a life of walking him in every morning.
Finding a prompt or rational explanation felt pointless as there was none.
First grade, same thing. Sometimes worse. By the spring we knew the experience of Houlder's and Frazer's health issues were weighing on his sweet mind despite our best attempts. Porter went to school after Houlder's first trip home form Mayo telling his classmates that his brother was not going to die.
Okay, he was learning lots of fear management not a lot of school. By repeating 1st grade, we thought we would build him up, and it did.
Sort of.
Second grade rolls around. Teacher is awesome. First three weeks awesome.
Bam! Tears!
Bam! Houlder cannot get him out of the car.
A month earlier, he unintentionally had observed a three day fast when Dell left for boarding school because Porter had not been able to discern the difference between his nerves and his hunger. Complex emotions like longing and sadness have such similar physiological responses.
Taking Porter out of Collegiate made sense except he loved Collegiate. Yep. Yes. Paradox. I get it. He is 8. How much rational thinking can there be?
After a talking with his teacher, we did what we gleaned best -- not easiest -- and brought him home. Of course the stinker loves the academic part of our day and wants to head to Collegiate for lunch and recess.
He is easy to teach. Responsive. Learning. Improving. Wants a blow torch for his birthday to bend metal -- so super sensitive new age is not his thing. He has been working with someone to learn strategies to help him when he is anxious. These strategies are helping as I watched Porter manage his sadness when we dropped Dell back at school after a long weekend. Yes, there were tears, but there was deep breathing and understanding that his tummy was not going to throw up.Parenting is mysterious.
Porter will find his rhythm and manage his fears. For now, we are giving him a chance to learn how. I will manage too. Frazer enjoys the company as do the dogs and cats.
Onward.
